Where the heart is
by Carebear Stare
Summary: All he wanted was to watch the spiders of time weave a web around her eyes. MAJOR RyRissa story. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! Chapter 9 finally up!
1. Memories and Monologues

Ok just a quick summary of where my story is taking off. Its senior year at harbour for all our favourite teens. Ryan and Lindsay have been together since junior year, Marissa broke it off with Alex almost a week after it started and has been single ever since. Her and Ryan have become proper friends and now consider each other their best best friends. The group are all best friends. Summer and Seth got back together and have been bickering in love for a long time now. Jimmy moved to Japan to be with Hailey and their now married. Sandy and Kirsten are fine, Rebecca never happened. And since this story's going to have a lot of inner monologue, **bold **is for their more rational thought and _italics _is what their heart is telling them. And now to the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own the OC or "Such Great Heights"

Ryan stood at his locker door. It was the first day of his last year of high school. He sighed, thinking about the holidays. The summer just hadn't been the same this year. There was something missing. Someone. Marissa had gone to Japan for the break to visit her dad, Hailey and The Belly, so Ryan had spent the holidays with Lindsay (A/N dough face girl), Seth and Summer. Seth had, as usual, been sailing as much as he could, well when he wasn't glued to Summer's face.

Ryan found he had been thinking about Marissa way more than you were supposed to think about your best friend, not in a bad way, just thinking about her. He sighed again and started pulling things out of his locker. As he was closing it he looked at the inside of the door. He looked first at the picture of him and Lindsay, she was smiling but his smile didn't seem to quite reach his eyes. His eyes went to his favourite pictures, they were of him and Marissa in their junior year after Sandy had given them a surf lesson. The first one showed Marissa and Ryan on the same wave and Marissa pushing Ryan off. The last was of them sitting together in an old wooden lifesaver's chair. Sandy had taken it while they weren't looking so neither of them were facing the camera. Marissa was sitting with her head on Ryan's chest looking up and him and he was kissing her forehead.

**Stop thinking about her!**

He slammed his locker closed, and a piece of pink paper floated out

"Hey Ry, this song reminded me of us. I love you and your freckle forever. Love Rissa

**I'm thinking it's a sign that the freckles  
In our eyes are mirror images and when  
We kiss they're perfectly aligned  
And I have to speculate that God himself  
Did make us into corresponding shapes like  
Puzzle pieces from the clay  
**And true, it may seem like a stretch, but  
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled  
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death  
When you are out there on the road for  
Several weeks of shows and when you scan  
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great  
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say  
But everything looks perfect from far away,  
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your  
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded  
Thin upon listening  
That frankly will not fly. You will hear  
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with  
The windows down when this is guiding you home

It was a note Marissa had stuck in there when they were going out because she noticed that they both had freckles in their years in the exact same place but in different eyes. He never told her, but he felt that they were like two halves of one whole. He didn't like to admit it to himself, but they _did _fit like puzzle pieces. He didn't like to admit even more that when he hugged Lindsay it was like she was just slightly the wrong shape so it felt a bit uncomfortable and like there was a gap between them. Nothing bit, but still a gap. He never been able to bring himself to throw out a single thing she gave him.

_You threw out that idiotic lamp Lindsay gave you_

**Well that was just common sense, it was two POODLES, I mean sure they were supposed to be in love, but come on!**

_That shows how well she knows you after you've been going out, is it 2 years now?_

**I don't know how long we've been going out**

_When you were with Marissa you got her a present for each month anniversary. And I'd like to point out you haven't stopped listening to those _Journey _CDs she got you. When's the concert again?_

**What do you mean YOU'D like to point out? We're the same person! Anyway I like Journey. The concert's in 3 weeks. And Lindsay's present was nice! She obviously tried really hard and she didn't have any help! It's not her fault she doesn't know me as well!**

_A stranger in the street could tell from one look at you that you wouldn't like a POODLE lamp for your 18th birthday. Anyway, Lindsay's only known you ONE YEAR less than Riss, and you've been dating her longer than you dated Marissa. Who are you taking to the concert with you by the way?_

**Well she genuinely though I'd like that lamp. I'm bringing Marissa, because she got me the tickets. And she's my best friend. NO OTHER REASON.**

_Well whatever. You don't love Lindsay._

**Yes I do!**

_How come you've never said I love you to her then?_

**I have! Numerous times**

_Au contaire ma cherie. I have evidence. I am privy to your mind and memories remember?_

Flashback

It was Valentine's Day. Ryan and Lindsay we're dancing at the Heart Foundation Benefit. There was a live band playing classical music and hearts and flowers everywhere. Ryan was vaguely aware of Seth and Summer dancing nearby, but his attention was focused mainly on dancing and keeping Lindsay in time.

"Let's go out on to the balcony" she whispered in his ear

"Ok"

Outside they stood together looking at Newport Beach.

"It's beautiful view from here, so beautiful" she said to him

"Yeah it is" he replied, but he wasn't looking out at the beach. He was looking at her.

She turned and hugged him, burying her face into his neck. He shifted with discomfort; it didn't feel like it fitted.

"I love you" Lindsay said lifting her head

He stood completely frozen. She waited anxiously, squeezing him.

"Ryan?" she never had been patient

He pulled her into a hug and whispered something incoherent the "love you"

Lindsay's body relaxed with relief against his. She was completely sure he'd said "I love you"

Ryan was sure he'd said "I don't"

End Flashback

_You don't love Lindsay, you love her_

**Who?**

There was no answer because as he questioned himself someone slipped their arms around his waist and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Hi sweet" he said turning to face Lindsay

"So how've you been? I haven't seen you much lately because you've been shopping so much with Summer"

"Well it is Marissa's birthday in two days. Anyway, I found her the most perfect present so I'm pretty much free now. Apart from the birthday dinner"

"Well ok" replied Lindsay a little doubtfully.

Ryan turned and gave her a reassuring kiss. He pulled away at the end and shut his locker door. He and Lindsay started walking down the hall to her locker. As they turned to corner he saw Marissa. She was back from Japan.

When she saw him she broke into a run. When she reached them she pulled him into a best friend's bear hug which he gladly returned.

"Hey freckle buddy. Missed you"

"Missed you too" she whispered back to him.

Then she stepped back and hugged a very worried looking Lindsay

_So what do you think? Please Review! xxooxx Clara_


	2. Ask Anna

OMG! Thank you SO much for all the reviews! I don't think I've ever felt to so loved! Just to clarify the pictures of Ryan and Marissa in his locker are from when they're dating. So he's not cheating on Lindsay or anything. Just remembering. Thank you again for all the reviews! BTW does anyone have an idea for Marissa's birthday present from Ryan? I was thinking a pearl bracelet or something but if you guys have ideas I'd love to hear them! Ok, chapter 2.

Disclaimer: still don't own the OC

_**Write to Anna's Answer's when you have a question no one you know can answer. After all, Anna has the answers!**_

**_Dear Anna,_**

**_I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now and we're really happy. But the thing is whenever he has a problem or wants to talk about something really important to him he goes to his best friend. I get that you need friends and everything, but his best friend is his ex-girlfriend, and before his relationship with me he was in a really serious relationship with her. I have to admit I'm threatened of her, she's beautiful and even after the one of the messiest break-ups in history (so I'm told) she managed to stay friends with my boyfriend. I just wish he would come to me first instead of going to her, then telling me his problem and shooting down all my help with quotes of his best friend. But what I'm more worried about is WHY he's going to her first. Is he still in love with her? Everyone says he'll never get over her properly and they seem to be getting closer all the time. I really love him! What do I do?_**

_**Losing Mr. Right**_

_**Dear Losing Mr. Right,**_

**_If you really love him, you should trust him. The reason he's probably going to her and not you, is she understands him better. Chances are if their best friends he's telling her stuff he'd never tell anyone else and she's doing the same. It's pretty obvious they have a strong bond or whatever, but it's also obvious he's with you now. And he might not be for much longer if you keep acting like such an insecure possessive brat._**

_**Anna**_

"Cohen…COHEN!"

SLAP

"Hey! What was that for?"

Seth and Summer sat curled together in the student lounge. Seth had been reading _Legion _and Summer had been reading her favourite advice column.

"You didn't answer. Anyway check out this letter"

She shoved the paper in front of his face and pointed to the **_Losing Mr. Right_** letter.

"So?"

"So? Is that all your going to say? Are you like completely dense or something? Some blind guy with a dog who hung around this school for like an HOUR would see what I'm getting at"

"Well actually Summer he wouldn't see because-"

"SHUT UP COHEN! Anyway, jackass, what you were too imbecilic to see is that that letter was so obviously written by Lindsay! I always knew she was a jealous bitch. Chino and Coop should've gotten back together AGES ago but nooooooooo stupid skanky I-think-I'm-Caleb-Nicol's-daughter-and-you-should-all-worship-me dough face girl was there, stopping the reunion of the most perfect couple of all time!"

"I thought you liked Lindsay"

"I'm a good actress"

"Well now that you've found out that Lindsay thinks RyRissa are on the verge of getting back together what are you going to do?"

"She doesn't think their on the verge of getting back together she's just being a 'insecure, possessive brat'"

"Wow, that advice columnist is good. I mean I know Lindsay's supposedly my aunt, but she's kind of…………..well boring"

"Yeah, she's nice, but oh so bland. Anyway I'm just going to show Coop the column to prove to her that she and Chino should get back together."

"Like that'll work, she'll just be concerned about Lindsay and reprimand you for being such a bitch."

"I'm the Boobs."

Seth smiled. Summer smiled. Then they kissed. After all they were in love.

"Summer!"

Summer had been trotting as fast as she could in her heels down the English corridor trying to catch up with Marissa, when someone called her name.

"This better be good" she said as she turned.

"Oh, it's you Lindsay, what do you want? Can it wait? I really need to tell Coop something"

"Um, it's kind of important"

"Ok, shoot"

"I'mreallyworriedcozRyan'sgoingtoMarissa's" breath "birthdaydinnerandhewon't" breath "stoptalkingaboutit"

"You're jealous" replied Summer, cold and blunt

Lindsay went beetroot red, and nodded shamefaced

"Have you got PMS or something? Why are you getting so worked up about this? They hang out together ALL THE TIME. He probably won't stop talking about because he's so excited, it _is_ her 18th. And their not even going to be alone, it's going to be me, Cohen, Kirsten, Sandy and Ryan. Don't get offended or anything but it's a family thing"

Lindsay cocked an eyebrow

"None of you are her family though"

"Well actually Sandy and Kirsten are Marissa's Godparents, Cohen's her step-nephew-in-law or something, I'm like her sister, and Ryan's her best friend"

"Well I suppose" she said doubtfully

"But he keeps saying he found her the most perfect gift in the world. That girl has everything! What could he possibly find her that she doesn't already have? And he stopped hanging out with me on the weekends to go shopping for her present!"

"Listen, if you're going bitch about Coop that's your problem. I'm your friend and all Lindsay, but if you ever do it in front of me again I will break you, ok? You'll be in so muck fucking pain you'll wish you were Julie Cooper. Anyway, I know what he got her and it is perfect. Seriously though stop stressing, their just friends. Go home, eat some chocolate, have a vanilla bath then call Ryan and talk mushily for hours ok? Just stop worrying"

"Thanks Summer, I was being stupid. I think I've been in Newport to long." Lindsay walked away

"So do I" Summer muttered angrily at Lindsay's back.

After school Summer and Marissa met up at South Coast Plaza

"So, ready to help me find the perfect coming of age dress for Saturday?"

"If you're ready to stay here for more than four hours"

The girls smiled at each other and set off on their expedition.

About 2 and ½ hours and 26 stores later they sat drinking coffee and choosing a dress. Summer rummaged through her bag looking for a piece of paper, and found what had been causing the niggling feeling of forgetting something important.

"Oh Coop! I just remembered something important I wanted to show you!"

"Pray tell then. Or show"

Summer pulled out the advice column with the letter circled and pushed it across to Marissa. As she read Summer could see comprehension dawning on her friends face and watched her grow steadily pale. Marissa looked up when she had finished reading with a stricken look on her face.

"After the dinner, I'll have to start distancing myself from him"

"What! Why?"

"He can't be her boyfriend and my best friend, otherwise he'll lose her. Or worse, she'll lose him. So no matter what happens I'll lose him. I'd just rather I do it on my own terms. That way there's a lot less hurt."

_Please Read and review now! xxooxx Clara_

_A/N I might not be as fast with my next update because I have a French assessment on Thursday and my swimming carnival on Wednesday, but I promise I'll have the next chapter up by Friday._


	3. It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want ...

Sorry, this ones a bit shorter, but I seriously have to do my French assessment. THAN YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! And for those of you who want more SS, sorry, it's just not going to happen, I mean I like SS and all but this is a RM story.

Disclaimer: Don't own the OC

Marissa, the Cohen's and Summer all sat in a circle, about to start giving Marissa her gifts. Kirsten and Sandy handed her a small, flat box wrapped in silver.

"Thank you so much,"

"You haven't even opened it yet sweetie,"

Marissa smiled at her Godparents and unwrapped her present. Inside was a blue velvet box, which she opened to reveal a pair of beautiful gold diamond earrings. Marissa looked up in shock.

"They're so beautiful" she whispered,

"They look like they're from the 1500s"

"They might be," Kirsten replied,

"We were shopping and we walked past this tiny jewelry store and I saw these. They reminded me of when you were in 6th grade and you were studying the Tudors. Do you remember? You had this fixation with Elizabeth. You wanted to be just like her. You were begging your dad to let you dye you hair red and move to England and start French" she said with a laugh.

"So he said instead you could get your ears pierced and start French. I went with you to get your ears pierced because Julie was on riding camp with Caitlin. And when we got there you were so upset because they didn't speak French or let you have the most Elizabethan earrings. And I though since that now you 18 you could have a pair."

Marissa tried to thank Kirsten, but her throat seemed to have closed over. Instead she stood up and hugged them both. Kirsten sniffled and Sandy smiled her as they stepped out of the hug.

"We have to go and pick-up the take out now sweetie. Bye you guys."

"Bye!"

"Ok Coop, now you can open me and Cohen's present" said Summer, shoving a bright pink present at Marissa.

"Summer chose it" said Seth

"She said my suggestions were 'too Coheny'"

Marissa and Ryan shared a laugh as Summer whacked Seth in the stomach.

"Anyway Coop, open your present!"

Marissa peeled back the paper and inside was a really, really nice skirt.

"Wow, thanks you guys!" she said as she pulled the skirt out. Underneath was a diary with a picture of the four of them on the front. She fell silent and carefully put the skirt on her lap and picked up the diary. Inside were messages-one from each of them. She burst into tears and proceeded to suffocate her friends with hugs.

Ryan and Marissa stood together on the balcony after dinner.

"So this is 18"

"Scared?" he asked smiling

"Petrified" she answered grinning

"So…here's your present"

"I was wondering when you'd give it too me" she said flippantly

"So the brat returns. Anyway here it is."

He handed her a present wrapped in green and blue and pink paper (A/N like the marble cake I made with my friend Emma). She opened it and on top was _Postal Service-Greatest Songs _(A/N I don't think this actually exists). She smiled.

"I think we need a freckle handshake,"

"Look underneath."

Underneath there was another velvet box, but inside this one was a charm bracelet. On it there was a little Ferris wheel, a snowflake and a little carebear. It between each one was a little heart. Marissa's eyes went very big. Ryan took the cd from her.

"Open the hearts"

She nodded mutely. Inside the first heart was a picture of her and Ryan. The second had her, Seth and Summer. The last heart had a picture of her and her dad on the beach. She didn't say a word.

"I just thought…y'know, a charm for a special memory and a picture for whoever's in your heart"

She put on the bracelet and hugged him.

"Thank you so such. I love you, you know that don't you?" she whispered

"I love you too"

She sighed and kissed his cheek.

Then Lindsay walked out onto the balcony.


	4. She's your princess

Thank you SO MUCH for all the reviews! Love you all!

welcometotheOC: I got to see Closer because my dad thinks I can appreciate those sorts of movies. Where do you go to school? Did you go to the selective school? Coz I have friends in almost every school so they probably know you.

Disclaimer: don't own the OC…excuse me while I down a bottle of vodka

"Hey guys!" said Lindsay

"Happy birthday Marissa! Sorry, I know it was just supposed to be a family thing, but I figured, 'hey none of them are her really family' so it'd probably be ok for me to come over"

"They are my real family"

"Right. Anyway-"

"What do you mean we're not her real family?" asked Ryan butting in

"Well none of you are actually _related_ to her."

"Some bonds are thicker than blood and harder to break. No matter what happens" Marissa stated.

"I'm going in now, thanks for stopping by Lindsay."

"What was that about?" Ryan asked Lindsay

"What?" she asked innocently, batting her eyelashes

"Attacking Marissa about who she considers her family, on her birthday no less."

"Well excuse me! I just came over to wish her a happy birthday and make sure you weren't doing anything you'd regret," Lindsay spat

"You were checking up on me? And people say _I _have trust issues"

"Well it's a good thing I did! I walk out here and you guys are practically making out!"

"Come on Lindsay, it was just a hug. Lots of people get hugs with no romantic attachments."

"NOT WITH THEIR BEAUTIFUL EX-GIRLFRIEND'S WHO THEY NEVER REALLY GOT OVER!"

"WE'RE JUST FRIENDS! WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT THAT YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY GIRL IN MY LIFE? IF YOU'RE ASKING ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND MARISSA, I WON'T."

"I guess I got my answer then" she said acidly and slammed out of the house.

Ryan walked back into the house. Sandy and Kirsten had gone to bed and Seth, Summer and Marissa were playing video games.

"Did you guys hear that? I'm so sorry. Sorry to ruin your birthday Riss, it's just…complicated,"

"Yeah, I know" she said with a slow, sad smile.

"Don't worry, my birthday's not ruined, I got to spend it with my _family _and there's not a Cooper-Nichol in sight,"

"You guys," Summer said

"in light of the situation Lindsay put Ryan in tonight I propose we make a pact. I think that we need to promise each other that no matter what happens, and even if we can't really spend time with the others much, that as long as we wear these-"

She pulled a silk pouch out of her pocket and tipped its contents into her hand. Four tiny gold B's fell on to her palm

"-we'll stick together. Because after tonight, Ryan might not be able to talk to his best friend in the world to save his relationship. So these are like, symbols of our pledge to each other. To be there when someone's falling…and to catch them,"

"Well I think this is one of the most worthwhile clubs to join, so I'm in. Go super B's! Just wondering, do us guys have to wear bracelets? 'Cos I don't want to look…unmanly" said Seth

"like anything you wear could make you more unmanly Cohen, anyway I got you two rings the B's attach to and Coop and I get prettier rings,"

"What happens if we take off the B's?" asked Ryan

"We lose you and you keep falling." said Marissa said softly

They each took a ring from Summer and slipped it on.

"I'm going to go now, ok you guys? Thanks so much for everything,"

"Yeah, I'm probably going to head off the bed now."

Hugs and farewells were exchanged all round. Marissa left after giving Ryan a tight "it's going to be ok" hug and receiving an "I'll always be here" kiss on her cheek from him. Ryan left Seth and Summer making out on the couch for the sanctuary of the pool house.

_Glad you finally came to your senses_

**How? By royally pissing off my girlfriend and ruining my best friend's birthday?**

_No, by defending your princess_

**I shouldn't have yelled at Lindsay like that. If she asked me to choose, I'd choose her.**

_Over my dead body you would. Yours too. If I remember correctly you didn't choose her an hour ago. And we both know, you argue with your head not your heart, unless that person has your heart. So that was your completely rational side choosing Marissa. She's your princess, oh gallant white knight. She's your Lyra to Will, your Juliet to Romeo. Hell, she's your Summer to Seth! Not matter how much you deny it; _she _is where your heart is._

**No, she's my Willow to Buffy, my partner in crime, my _best friend_. Nothing more than that. Lindsay's my princess. I-I lo-I love her.**

_You did not just say that._

**Yes I did. Lindsay's perfect for me nice, stable-**

_-Boring, plain-_

**-pretty, reliable. Like a rock. What I have with her, it's what I need. It's special. Its love.**

_You sound a little too like you're trying to convince yourself. What you have with her isn't love. You're trying to have your happily ever after with the wicked witch in the MIDDLE of the book. You're denying the happily ever afters of three people._

**Three?**

_I'm not going to explain something that's staring you in the face and dancing naked._

And with that Ryan's heart fell silent and Ryan sighed.

**My relationship with Marissa was a mess. I may have loved her, but I love Lindsay now. **Ryan reassured himself. But _you should a little too like you're trying to convince yourself… _kept floating through his head.

**I love her, I do. **And with that Ryan betrayed his heart and called Lindsay to apologise and say three words that she never should have heard from him.

At school the next day Ryan greeted Lindsay with a _very _long kiss.

"I'm so sorry,"

"I knew you would be, and I'm glad," said Lindsay and hugged him. Ryan looked over her shoulder, trying to ignore the _very _violent protests his heart was making. Then he saw Marissa walking down the hall, saw her see him and Lindsay, turn and begin walking away from them _very _fast. The last Ryan saw of her was the sunshine one her hair and the glint of it off her charm bracelet and B ring. He immediately felt sick and heard his heart whisper.

_We love you princess. _


	5. Dear Diary

Disclaimer: Don't own the OC, but I have some pretty cool posters. Also don't own the song by Dashboard Confessional

A/N: Hey thanks for all the reviews! I've had heaps of people asking about the Bs and what they stand for, sorry I didn't make it clear. The Bs are like, the symbols of their friendship. They have B's because of when they went to LA, in _the Strip. _Anyway, if you remember in that episode they decided Seth was the brains, Ryan: the Brawn, Marissa: the Beauty and Summer: the Boobs/Bitch. So, yeah, that's why they have Bs.

It was about three months after Marissa's birthday and Ryan sat by the pool, brooding. He was thinking about how much it sucked that he had lost his best friend and a dream he kept having. It was slightly different every time, but it always involved him, Marissa and Lindsay. He kept sat playing the most recent one over and over in his mind.

_**He stood on a beautiful beach. Anchored a little way off shore he saw Jimmy's boat. He sees Marissa standing on the deck and she waves to him. She dives into the water and begins swimming towards him. Behind him he hears Lindsay walking down to the beach. Suddenly Marissa disappears beneath the waves and Lindsay screams for help…**_

_So, Lindsay's been…affectionate lately_

**I'd appreciate if you stopped with the choosing between Marissa and Lindsay dreams.**

_That's not me, it's you. Dreams are created by the subconscious part of the mind, usually to resolve a problem._

**What makes you so sure she's the one, not Lindsay?**

_I can't explain it. Do you remember how you felt when you first met her? How it felt to be with her? All I know is, even if she isn't the one, she took a part of us and now there's a void. _

Seth and Summer walked out and sat across from him.

"We need to talk," said Summer to Ryan.

"What, you're breaking up with me?" said Ryan with a sarcastic/brooding look.

"No, but we can't live with the brooding Ryan anymore. We've become use to the smiley, preppy Ryan now. And Summer can't have a best friend who now has her therapist on speed dial. The whole self-sacrifice thing you guys are doing sucks," said Seth, closely studying his brother's face. When Marissa was mentioned Ryan blanched, with regret, pain and self-sacrifice written clearly on his face. But only for a second, two at the most. Then the mask slipped back into place.

"You know she's just trying to not come between you and Lindsay don't you? Even before her birthday, she knew that she couldn't keep being your friend, and risk you losing Lindsay," Said Summer.

"But why? Lindsay's always know that we're just friends and she's never seemed to mind. Well until Riss's birthday."

**Don't call her Riss. If you distance yourself from her in your mind it'll be easier in the real world.**

_WE LOVE PRINCESS RISS!_

"I think she did mind," Summer said softly and slowly pulled a very crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket. It was the _Ask Anna _letter from _Losing Mr. Right_. Summer pushed it across the table to Ryan. He picked it up and read it.

**Lindsay wrote this.**

_Glad we agree on something, now all you have to do is-_

"I think Lindsay wrote it," said Summer. Ryan nodded in agreement. He'd seen enough of Lindsay's projects to know her writing style.

"and I showed Marissa, that's why she decided you two needed a 'break',"

"Oh. Well what do you want me to do? If I'm Marissa's best friend, I'll lose Lindsay,"

_why is that a bad thing?_

"We know. We just want you and Riss to go back to what you had. You don't have to do anything yet. I'll talk to Lindsay and then tell you what to do,"

"Ok." Ryan said with a sigh. He felt like a drink.

It was 9 o'clock and Ryan and Seth sat playing PS2. Kirsten and Sandy had left about an hour before for a charity ball for the tsunami victims, over 25's only. Summer wandered in with a bottle of vodka and 3 shot glasses.

"Ok, you guys ready to play?"

"What're we playing?"

"Drinking karaoke! You guys have Sing Star right? Well if you get 'wannabe' you take a shot, 'amateur'- two shots and 'tone deaf'-three. Cohen! You're first!"

In the first round Seth sang "Macho, Macho Man", Summer sang "Don't Leave Home" and Ryan sang "Do you really want to hurt me?" By the 7th round they were all very, very drunk. Summer and Seth were asleep on the couch, and Ryan, who could hold his alcohol better than the other two, was lying on the floor. Dashboard Confessional's "This Ruined Puzzle" started to play

This ruined puzzle is beige where the pieces all face down

Ryan turned his head and saw a pink book covered in silver stars half under the couch. He sat up and pulled it onto his lap. "Marissa's Diary" was written in silver in the shaky hand of a six year old.

_So the placing goes slowly.  
The pictures of anything other than it's meant to be.  
_

He flipped through, not really registering that diaries were not to be read, especially by ex boyfriends. He stopped on a page where a short paragraph was written in purple. He liked purple.

_But the hours they creep,  
The patterns repeat.  
Don't be concerned, you know I'll be fine on my own.  
I never said don't go.  
_

_**Sometimes, when I'm with him it feels like it used to be. I try to think about what it was like before I met him, but it's like my mind's written him in, not as a main character, but just there.**_

_But I've hidden a note,  
It's pressed between pages  
_

_**Its hard to think that we were meant to be, just as hard as it is to think that we're not. It was like the universe didn't want us to be together. But, it also created us to fit. He fits me better than my favourite sun dress or my dad's old college jersey.**_

_That you've marked to find your way back.  
It says _

_**So, when I can't stand the emptiness where he fits in I turn my music up really loud. So loud it feels like my head's vibrating. **_

_Does he ever get the girl?_

_**And I can't think or move.**_

_But what if the pages stay pressed,  
The chapters unfinished,  
The stories too dull to unfold?  
_

_**That way, my edges are blurred, and no one has to fill the space. No one fits then.**_

_Does he ever get the girl?  
_

At this time Ryan's heart was in control of his body. His mind was incredibly plowed so his less intoxicated heart was holding the reins. And all it wanted to do was stop her pain. To save its princess. So Ryan grabbed a piece of paper and began writing.

_  
This basement's a coffin  
I'm buried alive.  
I'll die in here just to be safe.  
I'll die in here just to be safe.  
_

_**Dear Princess,**_

**_I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. I miss you so much. I love you so much and wish I was brave enough to tell you everyday. You…you're my princess. You're the one I want my life to be with, my happily ever after. I keep hoping for our happily ever after to come, but it seems things keep getting in the way, and my hope is feeling worn. Every moment I'm not with you is an eternity. I hate this distance between us, distance it's over-rated. I feel like our days together always fall on February the 29th and I can't stand it. I just want you to know that, for me, you don't need the perfect mask. You are where my heart is. And you'll have it forever. Nothing can ever change that._**

_**Ryan**_

'_cause you're gone  
I get nothing_

A very drunk Ryan carefully folded his letter and put it in Marissa's diary. Slowly he got up and walked to Marissa's house, leaving her diary in the letter box.

_  
And you're off with barely a sigh.  
I never said good-bye  
_

As he walked back to the house a sane though crossed Ryan's mind, not one of regret or turning back.

**Sandy and Kirsten are going to kill us for getting drunk.**

_  
Does he ever get the girl?_


	6. I won't love you

A/N: OMG! Thank you guys so much for all the reviews! MADE IT TO FIFTY! I love you guys. So this is the 6th chapter. I'll dedicate the next one to whoever can pick the movie reference in this chapter (hint: it's something from one of my favourite movies). Anyway if anyone has any ideas or suggestions or even a line you want one of the characters to say just drop me review or email because I'd love to hear it! If people want characters to say things I promise to work it in, unless it's really not compatible with the chapter. Now onto the chapter!

* * *

Marissa woke up at five thirty, like every other morning. She loved being awake and knowing everyone else was asleep. Knowing that Julie wasn't looking for her, that she could walk around with her hair unbrushed and unwashed. In year seven Summer and Marissa had figured out that really early in the morning was the best part of the whole day. Everyone they knew got up at six thirty to get ready for school, so they got up at five (thirty). It was, as Summer said, "the time only time we have before the bodysuits go on." 

She walked down her absurdly long driveway to the mailbox. She was thinking about him. She thought about him 93 of the time. The rest of the time she was coaching herself. "Don't be jealous. Don't hate Lindsay. Don't let him know. Don't be mean to her. Keep up the persona." But other than that she thought about him. As she walked she thought about being caught, if she was falling. What if she was falling in love? She didn't want to stop falling; she just wanted the person she was in love with to be falling with her. So they could explore the endless abyss together.

She finally reached the mailbox and pulled out the mail. Her eyes widened with surprise when she saw her diary on top, but then remembered that she'd left it at the Cohen's.

**Ryan must've dropped it off last night**

She walked thinking about bubbles. She loved bubbles. She loved that they were perfect and their surface was always moving and swirling. But the main thing she loved was, even though they were perfect, they popped.

When she got back to her room she tossed the mail on the kitchen bench, and walked up to her room. She decided to have a bath and catch up with her diary. She opened it to the page she was on and found the note tucked in to the pages tightly. Her eyes flicked from **_Dear Princess _**straight down to **_Ryan_**.

"Who does Ryan call princess?" she asked herself aloud. Marissa read then rest of the note and turned the colour of pasty parchment.

"So he does love her." She whispered and soon the lily scented bubbles were mingling with tears, and the sound of a heart shattering filled the galaxies.

* * *

"Summer? It's me. Can you come over now? Please?" 

"_Coop? What's wrong? What happened? No, don't tell me over the phone. I'll be there in five minutes with chocolate chip cookie dough and the pink tissues. Don't move."_

Five minutes later Summer was hugging a very white and wide eyed Marissa, who was sitting very still and staring at nothing.

"What happened?" Summer asked rubbing Marissa's back.

"Ryan dropped off my diary and he left a note for me to give to Lindsay," she said handing Summer the note. Summer read it and gave Marissa a confused look.

"How do you know it's for her? It doesn't have her name on it on it, or say to give it to her anywhere,"

"Who else would it be for?"

"Um, YOU Coop!"

"Yes, because Ryan and I have been dating for the last year, nine months, eight days, three hours and about 16 minutes," she said sarcastically.

"Just because I'm _still _not over him doesn't mean he's not over me."

"He's not over you! Are you deaf and blind or just criminally stupid? He's still in love with you,"

"No, he's not," Marissa said quietly after Summer's outburst, indicating to the note.

"Look, Coop, Ryan was insanely drunk last night, and _I _think that he still has feeling for you. Being drunk mean he couldn't repress his feelings, so he told you how he felt,"

"Even if that is true, we're obviously just not meant to be. Remember when we were dating?"

"Yeah, it's the happiest I've ever seen you guys,"

"We were the worst couple ever AND the universe was, like, trying to break us up,"

"There's NO WAY you guy's weren't meant to be. You fit like, oh I don't know! It's like you're a Vera Wang dress and he's the perfectly matching shoes! Anyway your names fit. Your name always fits with who you're meant to be with. Like, with Sandy and Kirsten: Kandy, me and Seth: Summereth. See Ryan and Lindsay, they just don't fit, Rindsay? Lian? They suck. You and Ryan are RyRissa, its perfect."

"No. I'm going to give her the note. Then '_Jack shall have Jill, Naught shall be ill'." _She said with quiet conviction.

"Can't you see that every time I see him my heart breaks a little more? But I can't be weak and tell him how I feel, it would hurt him so much, and I won't hurt him,"

"If showing what you feel is being weak, are you really sure you want to be strong?"

"I have to be."

* * *

Marissa walked calmly to Lindsay's door. She was perfect, wearing jeans and a singlet, and still managing to look glamorous. She used her perfection as a wall, a scary, shiny wall. Behind it she was trembling. She knocked on the door. The door flung open eagerly. (A/N I don't mean the door was eager, I mean the person opening it was eager) 

"Hi! Oh Marissa,"

"Hey. Were you expecting someone else?"

"Yeah, Ryan's supposed to coming round," she said confidently. The wall didn't react to his name.

"Well, I'm just here to drop this off," she said passing the note to Lindsay.

"Bye."

* * *

Summer knocked on the pool house door. Ryan answered. 

"We need to talk,"

"You've been chatty lately,"

"You just don't get it do you? Well, you probably do. You understand how lucky you are to have the Cohen's as your family and how lucky you are to have their love. You understand how lucky you are to have Seth as your brother and best friend and Sandy and Kirsten as your parents. You know how lucky you are to be loved by them. But, you don't know how lucky you are to be _loved. _She loves you. With all her heart. And it's tearing her apart. You know she won't fight for you because she's scared of hurting you? She's so in love with you that she keeps her feelings hidden and delivers love notes to your girlfriend for you."

"What love notes? Marissa isn't in love with me Summer, and I know I'm lucky to have her love. But I never got her to give Lindsay love notes"

"What about the note you left in her diary then?" Ryan's face drained of colour.

"That note wasn't for Lindsay." He whispered

"It was for your princess wasn't it? It was for Marissa."

_The one who has our heart_


	7. Eternity

A/N: Ok, no one guessed the movie reference in the last chapter. It was a phrase from the movie 'Garden State' and it was "the endless abyss". Anyway, we're heading towards the end of this fic. I'll dedicate the next chapter to whoever can tell me what books Elspeth and Meg are from. And just to clarify, Jimmy left for Japan in the second season, not Hawaii. This chapter is dedicated to my bestest bud, Emma and JESSA for being such a great reviewer.

Disclaimer: I do not own the OC- I'm just overly obsessed and write stories about it.

* * *

"You have to tell her. If you don't, you'll break her heart,"

"It was never mine to break"

"Bullshit Ryan! It's been yours to break ever since she saw you at the end of that fucking driveway."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?"

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, all I'm going to tell you it this. Lindsay doesn't love you.

"Excuse me?"

"Chino," said Summer, "You've never had her heart because there was never enough room. Marissa _loves _you. With all her heart. She gave her heart to you, so you're where her heart is. And you will be for eternity. And she'll wait for you just as long. I know it was like she stopped waiting with the whole DJ thing, but she thought you'd left her for good-"

"But,"

"-To fight the dragon all by herself. So she tried to get over you. That's all it was, she was on the rebound. And then you came back and she'd built up a fortress around the void. The void where her heart used to be, before you left with it-"

"I didn't!"

"-And now there's nothing to fill the void, not even her heart. But by going on what that note said, she _does _have your heart, only she doesn't know it. I'm not even sure you knew you had it. And wherever your heart is, is where you want to spend eternity. Just make sure you start eternity with the right person."

* * *

Ryan called Lindsay's house.

"Hello, Renee speaking,"

"Hi, its Ryan here, could I please speak to Lindsay?"

"Sure, I'll just get her for you,"

Ryan waited nervously on the other end of the phone. He had no idea what he was doing. Was he calling to declare his everlasting love for Lindsay or break up with her?

_Break up! Cha-cha-cha! Break up! Cha-cha-cha!_

**Shut up!**

"Hello?"

**What am I doing?**

_What are you doing? SAY SOMETHING!_

**I can't do this**

_Why not? You can't not!_

**Why? **

_You don't love her! The relationship would be hurting you and her if you kept it going._

**It hasn't so far.**

_HA! So you admit it! I WAS RIGHT! You were in love with Marissa all along!_

**I thought we already established that. But I can't break up with her. She thinks I _love her. _You don't break up with people you love.**

_You have to. _

**I do, don't I? But I can't do it over the phone. She deserves to be told face to face.**

_You and your chivalry…_

"Hey Lindsay, its Ryan"

"Hi Ryan! -"

"Listen I really need to talk to you. Can you meet me at the pier in an hour?"

"Ah…sure"

"Great, bye"

_

* * *

_

Why in an hour?

**I need to tell Marissa **

His heart gave the equivalent of and proud smile.

**I'm writing her a letter she'll know is for her.**

_Let's get started then._

_**Dear Marissa, my princess,**_

**_I'm sorry I've been in such denial. I love you. So much. My love for you surpasses the size of the universe. You're my other half, my Elspeth, my Meg, my princess. Summer gave me some very good advice today, advice my heart has been trying to give me for a long time. I kept trying to have my happily ever after in the middle of the story, start my eternity with the wrong girl. You've always been stronger than me. You fought for me and kept fighting. And you loved me. Loved me enough to make sure I had happiness, even if it was at the expense of your own. _**

**_I'm braver now. Brave enough to out down in words how I feel. To tell you that I've always loved you. You are my only one, the one I live for, my soul mate. You have my heart and I want my happily ever after to be with you. I only hope I'm not too late. Not to late to be your white knight in shining armour, your prince. I love you. Forever and for eternity. You had me from hello, and you'll have me 'til goodbye._**

_**My heart, Ryan**_

* * *

Ryan walked up to Seth's room and knocked on the door. He heard the muffled sounds of Seth and Summer scrambling round and finally Seth answered the door.

"Hey man,"

"Hey, is Summer there? I need to ask her something."

"Right here Chino,"

"Can you give this to Marissa? Like nowish? She really needs to read it before I get back,"

"Sure," said Summer looking curiously at the light blue envelope Ryan had given her.

"Where're you going?"

"To tell someone my heart's already taken."

* * *

It wasn't a sunny or glorious Newport day. It was one with winds that were cold, a day which promised rain in the night. It was Marissa's favourite kind of day.

_Flashback_

It was the day after her father had moved to Japan to be with Hailey. She sat on the couch, bagel in hand, curled up in her father's college jersey. Seth and the Cohen's had gone somewhere, she couldn't remember where. Ryan sat down next to her on the couch, throwing a blanket over both of them.

"So what do you want to watch? Moulin Rouge? The Notebook? Or do you want a funny movie? How about Monty Python and the Holy Grail?"

"I'm fine, whatever you want to watch,"

"Come on, cheer up! Now you have an excuse to go to Japan. Very good shopping I hear." Marissa smiled at Ryan's attempt to cheer her up.

"Even though I grew up in Newport I do actually like to do things besides shopping,"

"Yeah, like tanning, waxing…" He caught her very unamused look

"Right, Summer can kill me for you, got it," She managed a small smile and he grinned back. They sat in silence and Marissa's mood seemed to sink.

"Ok, I know how to cheer you up. But you cannot tell ANYONE I did this alright? I'm putting my dignity on the line for you,"

"Ok, I won't tell," Marissa promised curiously. Ryan turned on the PS2 and put in a CD. The first bars of 'Save it for a Rainy Day' by the Jayhawks floated through the speakers. And Ryan started singing.

"_Pretty little hair-do don't do what it used to_

_Can't disguise the living_

_All the miles that we've been through_

_Looking like a train wreck_

_Wearing too much makeup_

_The burden that you carry_

_Is more than one soul could ever bare_

_Don't look so sad, Marina_

_There's another part to play"_

He sang. She was smiling at him form the couch. A smile that lit up her whole face. He wasn't a bad singer.

"_Don't look so sad, _Marissa

_Save it for a rainy day_

_Save it for a rainy day_

_Save it for a rainy day_

_You never make your mind up_

_Like driving with your eyes shut_

_Rough around the edges _

_Won't someone come and take you home_

_Waiting for a breakthrough_

_What will you set your mind to?_

_We stood outside the Chinese restaurant in the rain_

_Don't look so sad, _Marissa

_There's another part to play_

_Don't look so sad, _Marissa

_Save it for a rainy day_

_Save it for a rainy day_

_Save it for a rainy day"_

They both burst out laughing as he ended the song. He pulled her up from the couch and hugged her.

"It's going to be ok,"

"I know." She whispered back

_End Flashback_

Someone knocked on her door, and a blue envelope was pushed under the door. Her name was scrawled across the front in very familiar writing.

* * *

The pier was almost deserted. No one in Newport liked days that didn't result in a tan. Lindsay stood at the end, tapping her foot and looking at her watch. Ryan watched her for a moment, wondering how she could be so impatient. He loved the occasional days when the sky was grey and the surf was huge, he loved to stand in the biting wind watching it. He walked towards her.

"Lindsay," she turned and threw her arms around him, pressing her lips against his. He stepped away, leaving space between them. She seemed unfazed by this cold greeting.

"Marissa dropped off the note. It was beautiful. You have my heart too,"

"No I don't,"

"What do you mean? I love you, and I'm choosing to give my heart to you," She said, her plain face wrinkling with confusion.

"You can't choose who gets your heart Lindsay. Your heart chooses that for you,"

"Mine chose you then,"

"It can't of, there was no room,"

"What? Ryan you're not making sense," she said in a tone that people used to explain things to toddlers.

"Lindsay, I'm sorry, but that note wasn't for you. You don't have my heart. You're not my princess. I'm really sorry, but I don't love you."

"Well who the hell was it for! You told me you loved me before that stupid note! You- you lied!"

"I never said I loved you, that was your assumption. The note was for the person who has my heart, my princess," said Ryan, finally admitting to himself Lindsay wasn't his princess.

"Oh. Well how could it be my bloody assumption? When someone says 'I love you' it's usually pretty safe to assume they actually do!"

"I never said 'I love you' Lindsay, and I'm really sorry I couldn't say it. But I think it's better if we don't see each other anymore," Ryan said quietly

"Goodbye." He said, turning and walking away from an annoyed looking Lindsay

_

* * *

_

Yes! Princess: a gazillion billion million trillion. Lindsay: ZERO

**You're not biased at all.**

_You know what to do know, don't you? Because if you don't-_

**I know, I'm going to see her.**


	8. Princesses and Ogres

Sorry it took so long to update! The end is near.

* * *

Marissa Cooper lay looking up at the canopy of her princess bed, in her bedroom, in a mansion. One big enough to be a castle. Fit for a princess. Ryan's letter was clenched tightly in her hand, the other nervously twitching her hair into curls.

_If I don't let go it won't disappear. It'll be true. He still loves me._

She slowly uncurled her fingers, slowing releasing the piece of paper. As she lost the final point of contact she squeezed her eyes shut. She was too scared look, in case it had disappeared, it was just a dream, and Ryan was in love with Lindsay. She peered hesitantly through her lashes and the letter was still there. She nearly fainted with relief. She needed to call Summer. But first she needed to think. So she left her castle for her sanctuary.

* * *

Lindsay Gardener (A/N where the hell did she get her last name from?) walked along the beautiful beach that gave Newport its name. She was not happy. As she walked she kicked clumps of sand up, fuming. Furiously she remembered the conversation that had taken place only about half an hour ago with Caitlyn Cooper-Nichol.

Flashback

_Lindsay walked up and knocked on the door. Caitlyn, who was home from boarding school, her mother deciding she didn't need to be away from Marissa's harmful influence anymore, answered the door. She looked Lindsay up and down._

"_Yes?"_

"_Is Marissa home little girl?" Lindsay said with gooey sweetness._

"_And you are?" Caitlyn replied disgusted. She didn't like people acting so condescending. _

"_I'm Lindsay"_

"_Lindsay?" Caitlyn said giving her a skeptical look. _

"_I don't think she mentioned a Lindsay dropping by,"_

"_Oh, yeah, she didn't know I was coming 'round,"_

"_Well that was a bit rude. Oh!"_

"_Sorry?"_

"_You're THAT Lindsay."_

"_Which Lindsay?"_

"_The one who stole Ryan,"_

"_Excuse me?" _

"_That was a really bitchy thing to do. They were going out and never broke up. I mean he was only gone for THREE MONTHS. Who does that? You, like, made him cheat on her, and Ryan Atwood does not cheat. I thought you'd at least be, like, prettier than my sister, but you're not. They were in love. Did you know that? The last thing she said to him was "I love you". They were like deeply, crazily in love. It was the real thing. When Marissa told me Ryan was back and they weren't back together I was like, "Whoa". And then she told me he was going out with someone else. And that was just weird. The only girl he's ever dated was my sister. So, I personally blame you for me being sent to boarding school, all the crappy stuff Marissa's had to go through and breaking up a perfect couple."_

"_Excuse me? Look little girl I don't know who's been talking to you, but-," _

"_Whatever, save it. She's not home." said Caitlyn with a roll of her eyes, and slammed the door._

End Flashback

Lindsay muttered angrily as she stomped.

"How the hell can you assume someone loves you? It's pretty obvious if they say it! And he did say it. God, I hate him. He was OVER her. They moved on, and she's a freaking LESBIAN. She is such a bitch! Pretending to be his friend AND mine, when all she was doing was trying to get him back. And her stupid best friend, the freaking midget devil, yapping she could break me. He is such a liar. All he did was lie to me. All that time he was with me and he was in love with her. I could've been with someone who wouldn't leave me for some bisexual, anorexic alcoholic. She always has to be better than me. She's so self obsessed. Not like me. I actually care about Ryan! I mean, I was there when he cut his finger and had to get stitches. But he called her first. Loser. God, first she makes the Cohen's like her more than me THEN she steals my boyfriend! That little bit-"

Lindsay's angry ramblings came to an abrupt halt as she saw Marissa. She was turning into the old lifeguard station where she went to think, with Ryan's letter in her hand. Lindsay recognized the paper and all she could see was "Cosmo Girl" holding what was rightfully hers.

Lindsay walked into Marissa's sanctuary, where Marissa was sitting watching the waves against the overcast sky.

"Marissa, hey" she looked up and scrambled to her feet. The absent smile that had graced her features disappeared.

"Uh, hey Lindsay," Marissa said, ducking her head and turning back towards the window.

"Ah…?"

"I don't believe you! He still loves you, even though you didn't wait for him! When I first met Ryan, he was really nice to me, even though he spilt ice coffee all over me. And I was less than nice to him. And then he asked me out, and I met you. And I kept thinking, "Why is he going from her to _me_?" Then I found out you were with DJ. I wondered why you were with him. Everyone thinks you guys are soul mates, and then I figured out you were both on the rebound. Majorly. I mean, the look he had when I first asked him about you, well it was obvious he wasn't over you. But, I decided to just go for it. I thought, why should I just let him go? Maybe, _I _was the one for him, not _you, _and he'd fall in love_ with me_." Lindsay spat out. Marissa bit her lit nervously and grabbed onto her letter.

_Ryan must've broken up with her. And she blames me._

"But then everything was telling me I was the wrong person. God, one time Kirsten walked in on us kissing and you know what she said? She said your name. She said, "Oh, I'm sorry Ryan, Marissa, I have got to learn to knock," And you know what the worst thing was? She didn't even notice. I convinced myself that she only said that because she was used to you being Ryan's girlfriend. But it wasn't even when we first started going out. You know why she said it? Because the only person she can see her son spending his life with is you. The only person any of them see is you. They see you as part of the family. I mean, first you steal my family and now-"

"They don't only see me, don't be stupid. And I didn't steal them. Its just, well I've just always been there" Marissa said, blushing and weakly trying to make Lindsay feel better.

"That's not what I mean. They _know_ you. Like, you say you want chocolate cake for your birthday, because you know everyone else will like it. And they get you pink, green and blue marble cake with cream and coffee icing because they _know _it's what you _really _want. Even though they think it tastes weird."

"How did you-"

"Know? Seth told me. He's the only one who tells me anything. About what happened before I came. And that's only because he can't keep his mouth shut. You're like the sister he never had, but wants to stick around, y'know? To them you _are _family. I think they see you more as part of the family than I'll ever be. I mean, you know what Kirsten got me for _my _birthday cake? This beautiful blue iced vanilla sponge cake. And I'm allergic to eggs AND vanilla,"

"Oh, Lindsay. Lindsay, it just takes time. It's just, like I said, I've always been around, and I went to pre school with Seth and," Marissa moved to give Lindsay a hug, or _something_ to comfort her.

"It's not time Marissa. We both know that. I've been here, what two years now? And most of that has been awkward silences or nervous babbling. You just seem to get everything! You're popular. Beautiful! Smart!"

"None of those things matter unless you have someone who loves you and would love you even if you weren't all those things"

"And now you have that too." Lindsay said bitterly, "_You're _his princess. When I first met you I was so intimidated. And when I found out I was a Cohen-"

"A Nichol you mean,"

"Yeah, and I had Ryan _and_ I had a family. And I thought, just for once, I'd be envied and bask in peoples awe. I thought for once, I'd have something you didn't." Marissa didn't know what to say. She couldn't do anything to make Lindsay feel better, because in a way, what she was saying was true. Marissa had had everything, but that didn't mean happiness. But now she was happy, she had _him. _And Lindsay didn't.

"But, you know what the funniest thing is? I've spent all this time being angry at you, and you know what? I've figured out it's taken me all this time to figure out I HATE YOU. Yes you, Marissa freaking Cooper. And you know what else? The only reason I'm really angry Ryan broke up with me is because it means you can have him. I don't really feel like I've lost anything. Because I never really had him. I get that now. You know what Charlie Brown says? "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love". And Ryan hasn't been able to eat peanut butter in a while. So this is where I am now. Screaming at the most beautiful girl I've ever met that I hate her. And in truth the only reason I hate that Ryan dumped me is because it means you get him. Maybe I never did love him, but he never loved me and _you're _the reason." With that Lindsay turned and spat the last of her speech.

"Keep him where your heart is, _princess_," and walked out the door straight into Ryan.


	9. Where The Heart Is

A/N: Hello to all my readers. Here we finally are, the end of the road. Hope it's not a disappointment. Thank you all so much for all the wonderful reviews. And I am SO sorry for the long wait between updates. And thank you all for reading. btw, the song is _Remember to breathe- Dashboard Confessional_

Dedicated to Prem, Emma and Jasi. Thanks for reading all my half formed ideas all the way through.

* * *

He stood in the exact middle, closer to neither of them.

A set of scales precariously balanced.

But it didn't matter which way he stepped.

Ryan had already chosen.

So he stepped towards Lindsay, blocking the doorway, and she stepped back.

"You've never been more right in your life," he said softly,

"You never did have me, and I never did love you. And she is the reason. But I told you that when I broke up with you. You didn't need to tell Marissa." He stepped back to stand besides Marissa, away from the door.

"You can go now," Lindsay looked at them one last time and saw what she'd been denying for the last two years. Something people spent their whole lives searching for. And as incredibly cliché as it sounded, what she saw was true love. And she left them without another word.

_She fixes her lips they  
_

Ryan stepped towards Marissa.

_Always look perfect  
_

She stepped towards him.

_never a smudged line  
_

He slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. His eyes closed as she wrapped her arms around him.

_never too much  
_

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"I never meant…I didn't know."

_I try on my blue shirt  
_

"Sorry? I haven't been sorry once in my whole life. Never been sorry for anything. I'm not even sorry I love you,"

_she told me she liked it, once  
_

"Dr. Larch, The Cider House Rules," She replied,

"I love that part. When they're talking through their letters…"

_she wonders what I'll wear_

"I know, I borrowed your copy of the book remember. That page is almost falling out. I have been sorry for things though. But I'm not sorry I love you."

_she knows just what she'll wear  
_  
"I know, and I love you too"

_she always wears blue  
_

"I know, I just wanted to make sure you did."

_so, sneakers or flip flops?  
_

"Don't let me go,"

_I'm starting to panic  
_

"I won't, I promise. I learned the hard way what happens when you don't hold on," Ryan's arms tightened around her. He wasn't letting her go.

_remember she asked you  
_

He didn't break promises. And never promises to Marissa Cooper.

_remember to breathe_

**So I guess you were right**

_  
and everything will be okay  
_

**_Are you kidding? I'm always right. And stop ruining the moment._**

**Okay**

_okay_

"I'll never let you go," he felt her smile into his shoulder, and then she turned to him. She blinked her eyes slowly.

He fitted her like a glove. Or as Summer so eloquently put it, a Vera Wang dress and perfectly matching shoes. A glove that was absolutely perfect, not a glove that was navy blue and high lighter yellow when you had to go to a fancy dinner party. One of those gloves you love so much you never take it off.

And she wasn't empty.

And the edges weren't blurred.

Because he was there.

_okay  
_

"So maybe this is the beginning of our happily ever after," she smiled. And for the first time in a long time her mask completely fell away. And February the 29th was suddenly everyday.

_Alright _

The endless instructions stopped.

And the wall took a long over due vacation.

And he could read her face.

_Alright _

He saw the way her eyes crinkled with love and happiness. He saw the delicate web that would be there in twenty years time. And knew that there was no other way he could see him life. All he wanted was to watch the spiders of time weave a web around her eyes.

_Alright_

Her hand found its way to his hair. He kept looking into her eyes. So blue. And a tiny green dot like an island, set in the corner of her left eye. His hands rested on the small of her back, and the two halves were finally one again.

_Alright_

She pulled his head in a slightly. He could smell her.

She smelt of the ocean, of salty sweet pea flowers and vanilla frosting. Her hair smelt of baked cookies.

She could count his eyelashes

They stared at each other.

_Alright_

Slowly, so slowly, they moved even closer.

And eternity passed.

And they kissed.

_**And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.**_

When they pulled apart, the darkest clouds let the sun shine through for a minute. They stood together for the longest time, being one. And she was a princess. And the pages of the fairytale finally began turning.

_Alright_

Happily ever after works best where the heart is.

_

* * *

_

So, anyone want an epilogue?


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